Healthy Boundaries & Self-Responsibility | Episode 5

You know, there's a lot of talk about narcissistic behavior, or people you believe who aren’t rooting for you. But what is more important is where you are and how you feel about where you are. Because even if other people are not rooting for you, if you felt you were in a good place, it would not change your state. Yes, you will be aware and it is wise to take some distance, but it won’t affect your quality of life nor does it influence your work-flow. If you feel you have some difficult people in your midst and it’s distracting you from doing your own things, we might need to investigate this a little deeper.

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You know, alignment has such a mysterious meaning, but it is very scientific. That’s why I like metaphysics because we can take the intangible and make it tangible, so it feels real. Once something is real, you can work with it, and change it for the better. So, if you are on a low vibration because people are not supporting you. Let’s look at what happens to your energy when that happens. Alignment means you are so full of love with whom you are and what you do, there is nobody that can take you off your path. It’s this 1000% conviction you are on it! This is the life! Can nobody tell you otherwise!

First off, all, who wouldn’t want to be in the company of someone who is on such a high vibe, right? But it makes other people feel very conscious about the fact that they are not in alignment. When you are on a high vibe, you remind people of their natural state, and they realize they are not tapped into themselves as you are. There are only 2 options left for them to do. They either get up to speed with your vibration or they move out of your way.

If you already know that certain people in your environment are not working on themselves like you are, you should already be mindful that your vibration will be higher than theirs and that the chances are 98% they will move away. Not because they don’t love you, but because the confrontation between who they are and who they are not, is too big in your presence. It’s like a constant reminder they are not doing what they know they should do. In your presence, they can’t hide it from themselves. That is the biggest issue. They are hiding things from themselves they are not ready to deal with. In the presence of your light, it’s like a big magnifying glass that is showing them their unhappiness. Forgive them, for they do not know.

I am 100% sure most people want the best for you as long as it changes nothing about their lives and how they live it. But as soon as they become more conscious of “becoming more,” they will resent you for it if it wasn’t their own idea. That is why, which is something I had to learn as well that I was clueless about, it is useless to talk to others about your dreams and growth plans if they are not doing the same thing. You are talking about two different worlds and they don’t mix. It’s an apple tree telling a grape seed to become an apple. It just makes little sense to them, no matter what you say. Just stop talking (sigh hahahah).

It is better to keep it casual, just the hey how you are doing talk, how is the weather. And keep the deep stuff for the people who get you. If you have nobody that gets you, find a group of people online who do. Or just dive deep into study. It will serve you well.

In 2017, my husband accepted a job in Texas, and at the time we were living in Abu Dhabi, UAE. For those who don’t know where that is, that is The Middle East. You might be familiar with Dubai, but Abu Dhabi is the capital of UAE. So, when we moved to Fort Worth, Texas, I was alone; I had to start over again, make new friends.

At the time when we move, I was very busy editing my book. I made a conscious choice not to be social and focus on my growth and development. As well, I wasn’t alone. I still had friends from overseas I could talk to on the phone. Plus, my family lives in Holland, so I always spoke to them over the internet. I was in no hurry to explore unknown places and meet new people. While I waited for the entire immigration process to happen, I focused on deep inner work and finishing my book.

I loved it! My husband was at work, my daughter in school, I was traveling to different dimensions in my mind. Best time ever! So, the moral of the story is, sometimes you end up in unforeseen situations where you find yourself alone. But very often, it is an opportunity to go deeper within instead of wishing for something that is not there. Work with what is.

In my twenties, I was a social butterfly, always out and about. Now in my forties, not anymore. I like to be alone. I am doing air quotes because my husband is working from home at the moment. So, now I am never alone hahahahahah, but I can retreat in my little office/guest room and just do my creative work. I can always retreat and do my own things, even though my husband is at home. It changes my ability to focus, but coronavirus has changed many people’s lives and I feel grateful that we are both healthy and happy.

If you feel those around you are overstepping your boundaries. First, check in with yourself. How is your time and energy spent? Why am I saying that? If your focus is on yourself, you will notice any boundary violation. Even if they would violate a boundary, you would be so busy that you would not pay it any attention but move away from those who do. But if you have too much time on your hands, and you always trying to see what others are up too, yeah, they then have the power to offend or hurt your feelings because your positive energy depends on whether they give you some attention.

I had some scenario’s myself where I noticed I was depended to hear from some of my friends daily and only after getting angry, first with them, and then with myself, I realized, I am not focused on my growth. I am worried about what so and so are doing. It means I have too much time on my hands, and I need to focus on my own life. Since then, I have let it go, and I am now so invested and committed to Fabulous One Philosophy when my family or friends reach out, it’s a joyous occasion.

I am happy to hear from them and check in. There is no more expectation, and therefore it becomes hard to violate my boundary, because in order to violate it, there had to be an expectation that you didn’t meet. When there is none, there can no longer be a violation.

The second thing I need to do is ask myself if I had communicated this boundary. Yes, we all have imaginary boundaries, but if not spoken aloud, they are not valid. Ouch, yes, I know, they are still wrong, but………… You can give them the benefit of the doubt since you were not clear in your communication. In order for it to be a boundary violation, I must inform the other party of the boundary rule. If I did not, it’s my fault. Even as a mompreneur, I need to have clear boundaries, and make sure I communicate them, otherwise people will infringe on your time and energy, and you won’t get your work done.

What is a healthy boundary?

Establish first who you give your precious time and energy too?

Grab a piece of white paper and a pen. And draw two circles, one inner circle and an outer circle. Make them big. If you are part of my inner circle, I love you unconditionally. I don’t judge you, and I accept where you are and where you are going. Of course, few people are in my inner circle, but these are the people I have surrendered my ego to, meaning I do not retaliate if they behave or act badly. I just accept and speak my peace but won’t fight. These people are my husband, my daughter, my direct family, meaning my mom, dad, and siblings and my best friend. Anybody else will fall into my outer circle, which means they will get the full force Nelson. I won’t cut them any slack and set them straight. If they wish not to talk to me anymore or feel offended, then so be it.

I accept no nonsense from my outer circle. You better come correct or keep stepping. Now, being the great communicator that I am, and that I can see through the eyes of my Higher Self means that very often I will know why a person would violate my boundaries. Some are unconscious and innocent, but then there are those who act unconscious, but they know what they are doing. And when you confront them, they act all innocent like they never intended or meant to hurt you or violate your boundary. And some are even slick enough to flip the script on you and act angry because you have the nerve to have an attitude. Listen, once you become the Higher Self, all that huffing and puffing that others will try to do will fall on def ears. You won’t even flinch. You will just look at them and say: “Goodbye, you are the weakest link!” And that will be it.

Your time and energy is too precious, you don’t know how long you will be here on this earth. Chances are you have a husband and kids; you don’t have time to be dealing with people who don’t know how to behave or act right. You as well don’t have time to educate them on what healthy respectful manors are. So, you have to draw a line, so I did. I created an inner circle and outer circle. So, just to recap, your inner circle can do whatever hahahahahah and you have to surrender your ego. This is as well an excellent exercise to train your mental strength. Your outer circle better be on their best behavior or they will get to know the fierce one. You know the one we try to hide from the world, but we know she is there. We just call her fake because we fear judgment. But the day you decide to no longer keep your fake self in hiding, and you allow her to come out, she won’t be fake anymore, she will be fierce!

We women program each other, even our own moms, not to speak our truth, not to be outspoken, so don’t expect any sympathy or understanding from anyone who is not used to hearing another woman speak up. Oh, they will call you all kinds of names, just not in your face hahahahhahah. They will complain about you behind your back, but that’s all right. As long as it’s not in your energetic field, it’s none of your business what they say about you. Especially if you are still expanding into your Higher Self. It means your vibration isn’t stable yet. You are on the right path, but it’s important that nothing takes you off that path. It’s like the butterfly coming out of her cocoon. Her wings are still wet, she is still stretching out before she can reach full strength and functioning of her wings. If anything would damage her wings, it doesn’t matter. She developed into a butterfly. She would still die. Entropy is always waiting for you around the corner. If you are not familiar with entropy, please read Chapter 4 Expand Your Consciousness. So be aware that entropy uses people, places, environments, political situations, weather etc. to create chaos in our lives. So, if we play dumb and not study up, it will take us out, right when we about to stretch our wings. Like, final destination. Have you seen that movie? Yes, you know when someone is cheering on the street and then get hit by a bus hahaha we don’t want that do we?!

So be very mindful who you allow in your inner circle. It might be time to clean house and place some people out the door. You still love them, but you just won’t have the time and energy to deal with them. Life already requires a lot of you, don’t make the mistake of thinking this is a peaceful process. It is not and most people don’t even value their own time and energy, so they won’t value yours, no matter what you say. If you want to reach your full potential, you need to prioritize your time and energy. How much time and energy do you have in a day? We have 24 hours, from those 24, we sleep 8, so there is 16 hours a day left, but here comes the stinger…

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About Me:

Hi, I am Jeanice, founder, teacher and author of Fabulous One Philosophy. Born in South America, raised in The Netherlands. Fell in love with an American and flew around the world to live our lives together. In 2010, we resided in Abu Dhabi, UAE and I became a mom. It was the catalyst to my spiritual awakening. I realized it was a great opportunity to sit still and dive deep. It was the first time in my life I asked myself: "Who am I?" Little did I know that question took me all the way down the rabbit hole, and I became a seeker for many years until I had my kundalini awakening. Excited about my experience, I decided to write it all down to share my newfound wisdom and created a self-mastery system, so I can help others mothers become The Awakened Mom.