How to end your suffering | The origin of self-sabotage | Part Two

Continuation from last weeks blog post...

But every time I tried to sign up for, you know, modeling competitions and pageants, I never won and I never got a modeling agency to sign me on in Holland. They always told me I was too fat, and I had to be a size zero. I have an athletic build. I am tall, 5’10, strong, wide shoulders, and big thighs. In high school, I was captain of the basketball team. I tried losing weight, but I never got to size zero. But then the universe helped me. I met my husband in Holland, but his job required him to work overseas. So, we started traveling, and we ended up in Abu Dhabi, UAE. The dream came back to me, but I was already 27 years old, but my inner voice said, yes try it, again. Long story short, it worked! I became a professional model in the UAE. I was mind-blown myself.


This was a long time ago. It was 2007. Plenty of other stuff has happened throughout the years. But only now, afterwards, can I connect the dots. I'm able to tell you the story now. Back then I thought it was just pure luck. I'm just lucky because they like my looks, because I have Arab features. They didn't have a problem with my weight, either. My body shape was fine. Who would know, the like fuller figure women. It was amazing, didn’t have to struggle to be on a diet and still get to do work I love?! Now I can tell you, it wasn’t luck. I was already in alignment, but just didn’t realize it. Alignment means you are on the path towards your purpose. I was walking towards my light. My passion to become a model was stronger than any obstacle that came my way. So, I did not notice any obstacles. I just jumped over them with ease. But if I think about it, I had so many obstacles. For example, I lived in Abu Dhabi, and all modeling work was in Dubai, and that was a one hour drive away, but I had no car. So, no problem, I just took the bus, takes 2 hours to arrive, and two hours to go back home, but it was no obstacle for me. On top of the two hour bus-ride, I as well had to show up for auditions for free, so, pay for my bus ticket, spend my time doing auditions, and go back home. I had to spend money in order to make money. When you are in alignment, it won’t feel like a big deal. You will jump over the obstacles the inner saboteur tries to throw at you with ease.


But then something happened. I ran out of luck, the economic crisis hit in 2009, and all modeling work came to a halt. No work, no income, what? What just happened? We were on a roll? Everything was going so great, and now something out of my control is sabotaging my lifestyle?!I couldn’t believe it! Can’t blame my inner saboteur. She didn’t cause the economic crash, but still my life changed in a way I was not happy with. After all that I had accomplished, beat resistance of being too heavy as a model, overcame logistics to model by traveling to a different country. My motivation to do the work. I was always on time, very reliable, being a true professional. Good at my craft. I did everything, right, and life decides, no, this game is over. Do something else?! But I don’t want to do something else?! So, here I am, with my beautiful modeling portfolio, but no work. No work, no money, back at square one.


When you do self-inquiry, all these types of stories of your past will resurface, but once you awaken, you can retell the story from a different perspective. I understand now, life will always throw me curveballs to test your resilience and make sure you are still on your path towards your soul.

There is something between life and death that nobody speaks about. We are born and we die, but what is that in between? Living? How is living made possible? For everything created in this world, the opposite must exist. So, as we are living, we are simultaneously dying. In physics they don’t call it dying, they have another name for it which is “entropy.” The resistance of life. Whenever you walk through space and time, you create resistance, and it will come to a point where entropy will be greater than life and bring you to a halt. Unless you know to expect entropy and prepare yourself for what will happen. But anything can happen, so you have to be prepared to deal with the unknown. When you are back at square one, doubt creeps in again. From one moment to the next, you are in limbo again, uncertain about your life.


Where am I going?

How did I end up here?

How did I go from being so abundant to a state of lack?


What I did not understand back then but do now, is in order to keep abundance in your life I will have to respect the laws of the universe. The laws of the universe want me to keep growing. Not just do the work, but get better at what you do. That was what I did wrong. I was content with a few jobs here and there as a model. I wasn’t really ambitious enough to take it to the next level. My comfort became my kryptonite. If you are not growing, you are dying. Entropy will come and take away what you have. What am I saying? Our ego is not the enemy. The origin of self-sabotage is entropy!


If you want to have a deeper understanding of entropy, you can read my Chapter 4 called: Expand your consciousness of my book. You have two options:


1. Grow and meet the resistance. 2. Stand still and meet resistance.

What will you choose? If you choose 1, you will create more. If you choose 2, whatever you have, will go away. It’s unfair right, you can never stand still? Just enjoy your life. Just be? No matter what I do there will be resistance? Yes, don’t shoot the messenger?!

But doesn’t spirituality tell you to be in the moment? Yes, but then you got to keep it moving again because you can never stand still. Think about it. Are we ever standing still? We are on a flying ball called earth that is following the sun at the speed of light? So, the thought of sitting still is an illusion. You are moving through space on an earth ball really fast. As you sit still, you still age, you still create free radical damage in your body by breathing. You can’t stop aging. You are always moving towards your death, but we can cheat death, by moving towards our soul.


“Die a psychological death and you will live forever.”


You will defy the laws of entropy and beat resistance at its own game.

Not understanding how life works is the root cause of self-sabotage. Misunderstanding and misinformation about how to apply the laws of the universe and make them benefit you.

This is good news! Because most of the time we think it's laziness, or no motivation, not believing in yourself. But that is a story the inner saboteur tells you because she has her own agenda. She uses your environment to come to conclusions and checks in with the collective unconscious to see what the general reasons are for sabotaging yourself. All she wants to do is stop you from becoming, and this “entropy” helps her. Until you awaken, your soul's mission is to wake you up to all of this.


So, you are in a battle with the inner saboteur who uses entropy as her ally to slow you down or change direction. Remember this, the real you won’t and can’t sabotage you because you are you. You are the real you. There's nothing you have to do, there's no place you need to go, there's nowhere you need to be in order to be your magnificent self. You are Fabulous One, you just forgot.


But we are here on earth in our physical bodies. And our physicality subjects us to natural laws. So, in order to manifest in our 3D reality, we have to play by the rules of the universe. You will need to wake up. When you do, the world won’t be the same anymore, and you will see everything. The good and the bad, the happy and the sad, and you will have to find alignment within it all. But you will no longer fear death. You will be free to live life on your terms. Entropy will move out of your way.

When you become your Higher Self, your inner saboteur will transform, too. She will become your Inner Strength, no longer sabotaging you, but work with you against entropy. She will be an ally and your strongest weapon.


“By hurling yourself into the abyss, realize it’s a feather bed.” - Terence McKenna.


She is the key that will unlock your true potential. Even the inner saboteur doesn’t know who she really is. When you self-sabotage you are fighting against your Self. Your little self is fighting the soul. When she lets go, she will wake up to herself. What is the big take away?


Learn the rules of the conscious universe.

We are playing a game called life and we don’t know the instructions. Our manual is old. We need a new mind-map. We need two manuals.


1. Physical Laws 2. Mental Laws


As above, so below. The mental laws are philosophical and not discussed in our everyday life. That’s why I opened a school and called it Fabulous One Philosophy. You are The One that needs to awaken to her True Self. The Fabulous One! And you need philosophy to set yourself free. We don’t teach ourselves or our children the philosophy of life. If we don’t, it means we are missing half of the instructions, and therefore half of our potential will remain in the dark. Wondering why we can’t reach our goals or worse reach our goals and still feel miserable. If you want to turn things around, you need to study and do self-inquiry. Never stop growing.


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About Me:

Hi, I am Jeanice, founder, teacher and author of Fabulous One Philosophy. Born in South America, raised in The Netherlands. Fell in love with an American and flew around the world to live our lives together. In 2010, we resided in Abu Dhabi, UAE and I became a mom. It was the catalyst to my spiritual awakening. I realized it was a great opportunity to sit still and dive deep. It was the first time in my life I asked myself: "Who am I?" Little did I know that question took me all the way down the rabbit hole, and I became a seeker for many years until I had my kundalini awakening. Excited about my experience, I decided to write it all down to share my newfound wisdom and created a self-mastery system, so I can help others mothers become The Awakened Mom.

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