Updated: Jul 4
Once you connect to your Higher Self, you will understand you can’t dismiss people who you think are negative or energy vampires just based on how you feel. You understand that even though it’s hard to admit at first, I had a hand in creating this type of relationship. It doesn’t mean that I acknowledge I am to blame that the people who did me wrong are off the hook, but I have to take a different approach. A way that empowers me to create strong relationships as well as see-through deceitful behavior. A system that allows me to take full responsibility for my future actions.
We all have positive and negative traits, and just because someone isn’t nice to me doesn’t make him or her a bad person. No, it doesn’t. It just makes them incompatible with my energy signature, and that’s how I choose to see it. I no longer look at people from an emotional viewpoint. I don’t judge them on how they make me feel because my feelings aren’t always correct and can be influenced by whatever else is going on in my life.
So, I just pay attention now to how much energy a person spends on me, and I just mimic that same style of energy back, depending on which circle you belong to. This is my way of setting healthy boundaries without questioning somebody else’s motives. There are people you love, but sometimes it’s hard to get along, there are those who you are on good terms with, but you don’t speak a lot, or you are not in contact with them on a weekly or monthly basis, but the overall feeling is good every time you think of them. And then there are those who just piss you off, and you just can’t feel good about them. It’s hard to admit to yourself that you have outgrown the relationship. Maybe there was a time you were really tight, but life went on, and you grew apart. Again, just because I lost connection doesn’t mean those people are now bad people. They just moved on living their lives, and so did I.
I feel we women oftentimes want to move away from someone, but we don’t know how. So, we wait to catch them messing up and use that as an excuse to break off the relationship. We leave the relationship in anger, acting pissed, so we feel justified to leave, but that’s not true authentic power, and deep down inside, it will still eat at you. True power is walking away without making the other person the bad guy. True power is when you know your time here is done, and you part ways with love in your heart. When you can wish the person you say goodbye to “all the best of life,” you know you have truly let go. I created 3 circles to stop questioning my own motives and created clear boundaries to stick to:
1. Inner circle
2. Middle circle
3. Outer circle.
1. Inner Circle
They can’t do anything wrong even if they are on their worst behavior. I just accept it and allow them to be who they are. And you make it work, no matter what. Of course, you can’t have many people in your inner circle, and you have to make sure it’s a tiny group. For me, I have decided that my husband and my daughter are my inner circle. They can call me any time of the day and ask me whatever they want, and of course, if it’s within my capability to help or assist, I will do so. It also means they can behave in any way they want. My love is unconditional, but I as well speak up whenever I feel a boundary is crossed or something is out of line, but the general idea about the inner circle is that no matter what, you make it work, and you spend a lot of time and energy in this circle. There is no separating, time out, or temporary time apart. We are in it to win it. My husband and I took divorce off the table and decided we are just gonna butt heads until we work it out. This is the best approach and is one of the big reasons my marriage is so strong; you don’t have the threat of divorce hovering over your head every time you want to speak up about something. My husband should feel free to address any subject he wants with me, and I have to sit, listen, and we talk, argue, and fight. It doesn’t matter. We will keep going until we come out with a win-win solution. Anything else is unacceptable.
This type of energy is intense and can get exhausting because it requires a lot of your body in the beginning. It is best to keep your inner circle as small as possible because if everyone in your life is a priority, chances are you are not, and that comes with grave consequences. For the people in my inner circle, I will literally drop everything I am doing and focus on them no matter where I am and who I am with. I could be having lunch with the president. If my husband or daughter calls me to come home, I gotta go.
2. Middle Circle.
My middle circle is very important too. Here are the people I speak to on a weekly basis or just regularly, always checking in to see how they are doing and making sure everyone is healthy and happy. The people in my middle circle are my family and close friends.
The biggest difference between the inner circle and middle circle is that I won’t just drop, stop my life, to come to the rescue. There is a time and place when we speak. If a request is made for me to do something, I will have to think about it. It is not an automatic yes.
The people in my middle circle are very busy people themselves, and if I would call them every day or make requests every day, they would not be amused, hahaha, but there is mutual respect, genuine interest, and support for each other. I don’t accept everything that is said to me from the middle circle. When I receive feedback, I will accept whatever I feel applies and disregard what I don’t resonate with. We as well don’t all share the same values, and some have a completely different outlook on life; nevertheless, it doesn’t stop us from staying connected, and as long as there is a mutual understanding of each other's opinions, the connection remains strong.
My middle circle is aware I have boundaries even if I haven’t communicated them all because there was simply no need for it, but if someone would trespass, I would take the time to explain to the best of my abilities this is unacceptable behavior, and I won’t stutter. I will try my best to communicate and seek a confrontation to create a win-win solution, but I won’t be shy about what I want, and I will cut you off if I feel unheard, disrespected, or disregarded and move you to the outer circle. My love for the middle circle is conditional.
3. Outer Circle
This brings me to the 3rd circle, which is the outer circle. If someone ends up in this circle, I no longer feel obligated to give that person a reason because it’s not worth my time and energy. Once I decide they belong in the outer circle, there is practically no coming back from that. I am at an age right now where I have no tolerance for nonsense.
You act fake. That’s it, you out. I have no time to deal with people who do not have the balls to speak up, especially if you dare call me your friend. If you are a stranger, of course, but I made these circles purely for my family and friends and not for business relationships or students of FOP. We are talking only about my personal relationships.
Nevertheless, people in the outer circle are treated like I would treat a stranger. It doesn’t mean I am mean, not at all. I am very charitable and will help a stranger with her groceries or even open the door for you. I am very polite, always smile, and ask how you are doing, but I will keep you at arm’s length. It’s like meeting people at a party. You will have a nice talk with lots of people, but you won’t exchange numbers with everyone, right? Someone in my outer circle will have to know someone in my middle circle in order to get a hold of me. They do not have my personal phone number.
After my spiritual awakening, I felt a strong need to protect myself on an energetic level. I feel social media and even my mobile phone are very intrusive and distracting. Anybody who wants to get a hold of you nowadays can just pick up the phone and call my number.
Any random day of the week?
Any time of the day?
No, I don’t agree with that anymore.
This way, I have created a system to keep myself away from too many energies just reaching out to me. I have no more personal social media. The only reason I use social media now is for FOP, but I am no longer interested in being on social media for personal reasons.
So, what is the biggest difference between the middle and outer circle?
The people in my middle circle could, at any given time, be disrespectful, inconsiderate, or negative depending on what’s happening in their life, but I won’t cut them off. Why?
My family is super supportive of me, but they are only human. They have their own difficulties. Everybody has to deal with their own inner struggle, and they just can’t always be attentive to me and my needs. I respect that and accept that of my middle circle. So they are free to be themselves. They don’t have to pretend. If they get upset about something I said, I want them to tell me because it allows me to grow and become a better person. There is no growth without resistance, so I allow the people in my middle circle to give me contrast so it can expand me, and this way, I train myself to be judgment free. Once your parameters are clear, you will know how to behave with the people right in front of you, and it will no longer be a question mark.
And last but not least, you will also no longer feel bad to even shut people out of your life. Or tell them this is your boundary. First, get clear who are the people you will fight for? And don’t give up on them. Put them in your inner circle. If you have defined who you will fight for, it means you now as well know who you won’t fight for.
Allow others to do the same to you. Give them permission in your mind to let you go. They don’t have to pretend to be your friend or show fake interest because it’s all good. Life goes on. Things change. We grow up and become older and move in different directions. I allow others to let me go so they can go on with their life without them having to make me the bad guy. Change is inevitable, and when you are mature enough, you will no longer question people’s motives. You will just pay attention to the energy shown to you, and you will know. Words don’t even have to be spoken.
This way, you don’t have to wait to say: ”Oh, you did me wrong, oh so now you are going to my outer circle!” No, if you are really truthful, you already know who is in or out. You have just been in denial. Put people in the proper circle, and act accordingly. You no longer depend on other people’s behavior to determine how you behave. Your behavior is now governed by which circle you have assigned the people in your life. You can take the emotion out of it.
So to recap
Inner Circle has full Cart Blanche, so be careful with how many people you put in this circle, and you will have to make it work no matter what. No matter what. This is unconditional love.
Middle Circle receives a lot of love, too, but it’s conditional. There are clear rules of engagement, and you have made sure you have communicated them, or whenever a situation arises, you will be brave enough to state your boundaries clearly, but not with the intention of making someone feel wrong. Your intention is to create a win-win situation, and you will try your best to convey the message as best as you can. Nevertheless, you do not control their reaction nor their free will to comply, so if they disagree and choose to disrespect you, they will move to the outer circle.
Outer Circle are people you know but do not speak to on a personal level, nor do they have your phone number, and they will never have your phone number. If you see them at a get-together with a mutual friend, you will be friendly and kind. You will show interest in how they are doing, but that is where it ends. You do not connect with them on social media either. If someone from the outer circle wishes to get a hold of you. They should know someone from your middle circle. If they don’t…oh well.
I hope this helps you create better boundaries for yourself and create a bit of a rule book on how to handle the people in your life so you can stay in alignment and be at peace.
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