The origin of self-sabotage - Part One

Updated: Jan 27

I got good news and bad news.

The good news is that you are not sabotaging yourself. The bad news is, it’s not “them” either. So, like a boomerang, it always comes back to hit you in the head. As an ex-self sabotager, I feel comfortable talking about this subject because it was the red-line in my life.

You sabotage yourself when you decide to do something, no matter what it is, and then suddenly, outside of your awareness or your control, not even something you did, but something always happens that makes you feel there are forces working against you. When I was a young adult before my awakening, I thought evil eye was at play. Like, how is it possible? Every time I try to do something good, something great, I always end up back to square one.

The sad part, if this happens often enough, which in my case it did, you expect it. You will come up with a great idea, but deep down inside you already know you will sabotage it or you feel afraid because something outside of your control can mess it up.

Could be anything, ever met someone wonderful guy, but you felt like, oh let’s not mess this up. Or the other way around, things are going too well in your relationship, so it must not be real. You wait for the day where it falls apart. The moment you can say; Ah, see, I knew it, was too good to be true.

Or when you’re excited about something but it’s not finalized yet, and you told everybody. So, you got to tone it down a bit and say; Well, it’s not 100% yet, but keep your fingers crossed. Deep down inside, you believe it can go wrong. Never certain about your manifestation because experience has taught you differently.

What is the cause for all this?

Psychology says: We feel we don’t deserve it. It’s too good to be true. What have I done that is so amazing or better than others? Especially if those around you aren’t as fortunate as you. You will feel guilty, just the thought your life can be better than this and it comes true? Oh, what would they think of me? Will they still like me? So where does this constant doubt and second guessing come from? We call it self-sabotage. Is it? Or could it be something else?

I want to introduce you to a new idea. Well, it’s not new. It has been around for thousands of years, but we don’t speak about it that much. What if you are not self-sabotaging? What if it’s the way the universe works? What happens in our mind when we self-sabotage? When something doesn’t go our way, we tell ourselves a story that makes sense to explain what is happening. It makes us feel powerless, but content. Relieved because we found a good reason to quit. A reason we can share with others that will elicit sympathy and understanding.

Can I ask you: Who is the storyteller in your mind? You? Which you?

We say self-sabotage, but we are not saying it right. If we want to say it correctly, we should say:

"The little self is sabotaging the real you."

Who is the little self? Who is the Real You?

I divided your mind into four selves:

1. Soul 2. Body 3. Mind

There is one missing, isn’t there? It gets a little more complicated. I divided the mind into two: conscious and unconscious mind. Let’s reframe this and show you how it works.

3. Conscious Mind

4. Unconscious Mind

Your soul is the Real You, but she is fragmented. You feel incomplete because there is a self not in alignment with your soul. It’s hard to figure out because until now, nobody told us how these selves are functioning within the whole. So let me visualize it for you (watch the video). The mind is two, which causes your feelings of separation. In the universe there is the law of polarity, which means for everything created, the opposite must exist. The soul has an opposite, which is the shadow, but what most spiritual teachings can’t tell you is how the shadow comes into existence.

If interested, please comment down below if you would like me to make a video about how we have created the shadow and how we can set ourselves free. Don’t worry, it is not as scary as it sounds; it is quite freeing once you understand the workings. Funny enough, there is a mechanical component to all of this which makes it tangible, and therefore we can make it real and release it for once and for all. So, when the mind splits, this happens, (draw triangle). The little self or shadow is the unconscious mind, and the real you, the soul. So, to be more accurate, when you say self-sabotage, it’s your unconscious mind who sabotages your soul.

The real you would never sabotage you, so you would never ever do this to yourself, but the unconscious mind fears the soul because she doesn’t want to move towards her greatness. Scared of the light within. So, instead of following your soul’s purpose, the unconscious mind convinces the conscious mind and the body to follow her. She always moves you away from your Self with capital S, hence “self-sabotage.”

When you can see in your mind’s eye who you want to become, that you already exist at the level of your Soul, but the little self still needs to walk the path towards herself and she fears she will lose her old identity if she does. So, the inner saboteur places a veil between the two, so you can’t see where you are going. You feel lost and lose your drive to keep going. Who wouldn’t? If you can’t see, then what is the point?

It’s like trying to get to your destination with blinders on. You would never do that. (Video of me going inside the car with blinders on). The inner saboteur has blindfolded you. It feels like you are going in circles, staying where it’s safe. Of course, you are blind! Where are you going?! Always moving, but never arriving. But here is a little secret. Whoever you see in your mind’s eye is who you are. Not who you want to become, but who you are. You can beat the inner saboteur at her own game. She blindfolded you so you can't see and therefore you have to stand still. You won’t move towards your destiny, but for where you are going, you don’t need to move. Stand still. So, the inner saboteur is doing you a favor. There is nothing you have to do, there is only something you have to realize. Don’t move, sit, and think.

The inner saboteur has you on this wild goose chase trying to find yourself because she has blinded you from the truth, which is that you are already here. As long as you can’t see, you will allow the unconscious mind to guide you, and she will lead you in all kinds of directions, left and right, up and down, circles, tell you all kinds of stories to convince you to change course. No, don’t do that, not the right way, no, don’t go there. That is wrong too. We don't trust ourselves anymore. I am leading myself in circles to achieve the thing that I want that is already within me. It's already here.

But that would be too easy, would it? Nah, get out of here Jean. Stop tripping. Let’s struggle some more, first. As you wish, our inner saboteur will make sure she creates some roadblocks. It’s her special gift. Yes, first, we have to jump through hoops in order to prove to ourselves worthy of having what we already are.

The inner saboteur comes up with goals or milestones you need to achieve to prove your worth, and we fall for it. So, we get busy, and conquer our energetic blocks, and do the work. Voila, we have made our dreams come true, but you still don’t feel happy. You still feel you are undeserving of it all? What’s going on? A desire that came true now becomes undesirable. I think I made a mistake (say it in a funny way). Guess what, the inner saboteur uses your achievements against you, too. She will say: Oh, you thought you were going to feel better now? Happy yet? Well, I guess you are still not worthy. I guess you need to do some more work. Maybe you made a mistake? Maybe this wasn’t your purpose? Let’s change, let’s do something different, something that is more of a match with who we are. There you go, you destroy whatever you have achieved, so that you can turn around and start the struggle all over again. You will blink and you will be 30, you will blink again and you will be 40, and nothing ever changed for the better. That nagging feeling that you’re always coming up short is still there. Life feels like a soccer match where the score is 0-0 and you are the ball. Being kicked around from one place to the other, but never arriving at the goal. There is no win, just the match, and you are getting dizzy. It's like the inner saboteur is using life itself against you because she knows something you don’t. She knows how the universe works.

What is the root cause of self-sabotage?

It is not our lack of motivation, inability to believe in ourselves or getting rid of our inner saboteur. The origin comes from the conscious universe. The original cause is the conscious universe, but we don’t know about these laws. Who shares